i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
