OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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