get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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