shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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