you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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