Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
