I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
