so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
