I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
