it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
