I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
