so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
