Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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