I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Mom said you looked used
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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