Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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