She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
