How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
