If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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