What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
