I'm lost and stupid without you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
