Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
