please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The ass gains better be worth it
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