I puked a lego.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
