my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
