How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
where are my eyebrows?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
