I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
