Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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