Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
