where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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