Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
