those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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