She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You smell like stripper and shame
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Houston, we have a blender
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
