Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
