I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
