A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
