yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
