paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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