Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
