Define "chronic" masturbator.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
