Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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