May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
