There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
