tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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