the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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