when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The uberlube is also flammable
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
