Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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