i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
