Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
