At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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