Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
