May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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